


Lost Without You

by Miscellaneous_Subtext



Series: Lost Without You [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Crying, Death, Drowning, M/M, Tissues required, Tragedy, WIP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-21
Updated: 2013-01-23
Packaged: 2017-11-08 05:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/439829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miscellaneous_Subtext/pseuds/Miscellaneous_Subtext
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU in which Stiles isn’t able to get to Derek in time…<br/>Inspired by this GIF set: http://library-of-miscellaneous-subtext.tumblr.com/post/25551353158/derekstilinski-au-in-which-stiles-isnt-able</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Drowned

**Author's Note:**

> Update (24/08/15): With so much free time on my hands I've started to work on this again... It's been lurking in the back of my head like a hive of bees for ages and I think it's time to try again...

Stiles is sitting on the floor, eyes closed against the sharp burn of tears. His clothes are still damp, but he doesn’t want to move. The smell of chlorine is heavy in his nose, it lingers on his clothes and keeps him from leaving the moment. The moment he let him slip. It’s all Stiles fault, he let him go. He let him slip all for a stupid phone, a stupid fucking phone, to call stupid fucking Scott. It’s all his fault. It’s all Stiles fault. He’d tried, he’d tried to save him, pulled him from the pool despite the monster. Even when Scott had gotten there it had been too late. He was too late. Stupid fucking werewolf, stupid fucking Alpha, for all his power, he had to go and fucking drown.

Derek is dead and Stiles doesn’t know what to do.

 

***

_Scott hangs up and Stiles throws the phone, lets it drop to the bottom of the pool. He takes a deep breath, dives down that eight feet to where Derek rests. His eyes are closed, dark hair fanned out around his head. Stiles heart is in his throat, please be alive, please Derek, please, please, please… is like a mantra in his head, over and over again. He gets his arms around Derek and hails him up through the water. It’s so hard, Derek is heavy, but he makes it to the surface. He gasps and chokes, but Derek doesn’t. Derek is silent._

_“Come on Derek! Breath damn it!” Stiles pants, shaking the limp Alpha. “Breath you damn sourwolf!” In an act of desperation Stiles presses his lips to Derek’s, tries to force air into the wolf’s lungs. It’s awkward in this position, but Derek’s still not moving, still not breathing and Stiles can feel himself panicking. He can’t panic, this isn’t the time. Stiles doesn’t hear the creature, he wouldn’t even if it was still there. It didn’t matter, he needed to get Derek out of the pool. Stiles dragged the limp wolf towards the edge, Derek was cold in his arms, it was worse than when he had just been paralysed. At least then Derek had talked, bitched at him, now he was cold and limp. Dead weight, the thought came to mind and Stiles shoved at it viciously, he wouldn’t let Derek die._

_“Stiles!” Stiles’s jerked his head up, looking up to find Scott standing at the edge of the pool. Scott held out his hand, beckoning him closer._

_“Please, Scott, get him out.” Stiles shoved Derek towards his friend. Scott hauled the Alpha up, rolling him over. Stiles is trembling when he pulls himself out of the water, he feels twice as heavy, his arms shake, but none of the stops him from crawling close to Derek._

_“He’s not breathing.” Scott says._

_“I know,” Stiles sounds hysterical. “Please, please, god, Derek, breathe.” Stiles knows CPR, he’s Dad made him learn. He presses on Derek’s chest, breathes air into his lungs. Over and over again. Stiles can feel the panic rising in his chest again, he can’t squash it down. His sight is burred, he knows he’s crying, but he can’t stop. He can’t pull away, or spare even a second to wipe his face. He won’t let this happen, he won’t, he can’t. no, no, no no…._

_“Stiles!” Scott’s hands are on his shoulders, trying to pull him away. “Stiles, let him go.” There are other hands yanking at him, they trying to pull him away from Derek. Derek who’s still limp and cold in his grasp._

_“No, no, no, Derek, no, you can’t… Please Derek, please, breath you stupid wolf!” He can hear someone talking, someone declaring time of death. They’re trying to pull Stiles away, but he’s not going to go. He clings to Derek. “Please don’t be dead Derek. Please don’t…” The tears come fast and hard, Stiles pulls Derek’s head into his lap. Strokes the wet hair from the wolf’s face, he can hear his own sobs, his whimpers, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about dignity or pride, Derek’s gone and its all his fault._

_“Stiles…” Scott’s voice is soft._

_“Go away Scott.” Stiles breathes through his tears._

_“Stiles, please, they need to… They need to take him away.”_

_“No…” Stiles sighs, leaning down to press his lips to Derek’s forehead. “Just… just give me a little longer.” Stiles looks up pleadingly at Scott, sees the tears in Scott’s eyes. There are others standing around, EMT’s, policemen, Erica, Allison, Boyde, Stiles is sure that even Isaac is close.  Stiles’s Dad is standing behind Scott and Stiles’s feels more tears well up in his eyes. “He’s gone, but…” Stiles brushes Derek’s hair back again. “I don’t want him to be alone, I won’t let him be alone again.” There is a long silence, they’ve all heard what he’s said and they can all see the pain on Stiles’s face._

_“Ok Stiles…”_

 

***

 

Stiles sits on the floor in the hospital waiting room. The doctors have looked at him, declared him fit. But Stiles can’t make himself leave. Derek is here, down a few floors, but he’s here and Stiles can’t leave him. He can’t… Stiles bangs his head back hard against the wall. He knows they’re watching him. The pack, his Dad, Scott, even the hunters.

 

“I’m sorry Derek…” New tears fall. “I’m so sorry. I promise you…” He sniffles and tucks his legs up to his chest, burying his face in his knees. “I won’t let you’re death be for nothing. I’ll look after them for you. Say hi to your family for me…” Stiles dissolves into tears, alone. “Love you, you stupid sourwolf.” 


	2. The List

The new moon is a week after Derek’s death; the funeral is the same day. Stiles is the only one that goes; the Sheriff is at work and Stiles refused Scott’s offer to come along. There’s nothing flashy about it, it’s just a hole in the ground and a simple, brown coffin. Stiles doesn’t bring flowers or anything, Derek wouldn’t have wanted him to. Instead he touched the coffin, watches them lower it into the ground and grits his teeth against the tears. 

“Bye Derek.”

***

Stiles can’t sleep that night, his muscles ache, he’s hot all over, the pain makes him pant and tears brim in his eyes. At some point he throws himself fully clothed into the shower, letting the cold water run over his skin as he thumps his head against the floor of the bath. When he finally manages to pull himself from the shower he looks at himself in the mirror and is greeted by the sight of glowing red eyes. He’s knees give out and he can’t stop the tears from coming. 

*** 

Vengeance is never the answer, Stiles knows this; his Dad’s a cop, of course he knows the value of justice and a fair trial. But the abomination, the Kanima, doesn’t deserve that and neither does Stiles. So he makes a list in his mind and the first thing on it is Scott. 

***

He climbs in through Scott’s window the next day to find him sitting on his bed, head in his hands and his phone tossed across the room in two pieces. He looks tired and battered, there’s still a bit of blood on his clothes. Scott had taken on the job of watching the Pack, clearly Boyd, Isaac and Erica had given him a hard time. 

“You have to stop destroying phones Scott.” Scott flinches, falling off his bed at the sound of Stiles’s voice. 

“Stiles!” Then he frowns, “How did I not hear you coming?” Stiles gives him a small smile, dropping down on the bed and crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Maybe you’re just not paying enough attention.” Scott stared at him, clearly not convinced. 

“What are you doing here Stiles? I thought you’d be at home.” Typical Scott, change the subject when he can’t work something out. 

“I need you to do me a favour.” Stiles frowns, Scott is still sitting on the floor.

“Sure, anything man.” Scott finally gets up and sits down in his desk chair. “Shoot.”

“I need you to get Allison and find Erica, Boyd and Isaac.” Stiles pauses, looking at Scott’s door rather than at his friend. 

“Um… why?” Stiles can’t help sighing, can’t help the way he rubs his hands over his face. 

“Because I asked you to Scott, can you please just do this for me?” He looks right at Scott, a scowl on his face that he practised in the mirror. Stiles was surprised how well he could do it, maybe Derek had rubbed off on his, that thought sent his heart skittering in his chest. 

“Stiles…” Stiles has the feeling that Scott is going to argue, push for more information. 

“Just get them and bring them to my place tomorrow night.” Stiles stands and tosses Scott his keys. “If I’m not there just go in, ok?” Scott kind of gaps at him but just nods, so Stiles climbs back out the window and moves onto number two in his list.

***

He avoids Scott and everyone else the next day at school. He doesn’t want to talk to them, he’s not ready to let them in on his plans yet. Right now, he really wishes he could talk to Derek, but none of this would be happening if Derek was here. Stiles wishes he’d talked to Derek more, wishes he’d done more research, he doesn’t have time anymore. This needs to be over, before someone else dies, Stiles isn’t going to let anyone else die. Derek will not have died for nothing.

***

Chris Argent answers the door when Stiles knocks, one eyebrow raised when he sees Stiles.

“Mr Stilinski, if you’re looking for Allison, or Scott,” He adds quickly. “They aren’t here.”

“Good,” Stiles replies sharply, “Because I came to talk to you.” Stiles doesn’t look away when Mr Argent frowns at him, meeting his stare head on. Stiles can feel his heart thumping in his chest, feel his hands getting sweaty, but he can hide it now in a way that he never could before. It’s strange, the power he feels, he’s never felt like this, never been able to control himself this way. His mind still works superfast, but now his body can keep up. 

“Come in then.” Stiles followers the hunter into the kitchen, but stay’s standing in the doorway with his arms folded over his chest. It’s a defensive move, a part that never existed in Stiles until Derek died. Until Stiles let him die. “What did you want to talk about Stiles?” 

“Derek Hale’s death leaves you with a pack without an obvious Alpha.” Mr Argent stopped, turning back from where he was looking in the fridge. 

“And what do you have to do with it? Other than the fact that Scott is your friend.” 

“I was there the night Derek died. I let him die.” Mr Argent opened his mouth, looking like he was going to argue with him but Stiles cuts him off. “I did and nothing will change that fact. But I’ve come to let you know that while Derek’s dead, the Hale pack has an Alpha.” Stiles closes his eyes and can feel Mr Argent staring at him. The teen opens his eyes again slowly, sees the older man take a step back and reach for a gun that Stiles knows for a fact isn’t there.

“You’re not a werewolf.” He sounds unsure, but he’s right and Stiles nods slightly. 

“No, but you kill an Alpha and you become an Alpha, you get his power. I’m human, but I’m also an Alpha. They’re my pack now and I will do everything in my power to protect them.” Stiles can hear Mr Argent swallow, even without the new werewolf senses Stiles could see the movement in his throat. Finally Mr Argent gives a slight nod that Stiles returns. The door snaps closed behind Stiles and he heads towards his jeep. The war with the hunters is far from over but at least they all know where they stand now.

***

When he pulls into his own driveway, his Dad’s cruiser is there, as well as Allison’s car and Derek’s Camaro. Turns out that even Derek had a Will; the Hale’s had a few assets, mostly little things, two houses in New York as well as a restaurant. Derek owned a flat in Beacon Hills, not to mention the old Hale house and the woods surrounding it. Derek left all his assets in trust to one Stiles Stilinski. The state had held Derek’s Will and belongings for seventy-two hours while they police investigated his death. The police had found nothing, his death had been deemed an accident and even with as much guilt as Stiles carries he’s glad the police found nothing. Sure, his Dad had given him some strange looks and asked questions, especially when he’d arranged the Camaro to be left for Erica but Stiles had asked for space. He’d had to promise to tell his Dad the whole story when he was ready, but ready or not Stiles was going to keep his promise. This was the fourth thing on his list. 

***

When Stiles opened the door, his Dad was standing in the hallway, but he wasn’t alone. He could hear the heartbeats of several other people, fast with anxiety. His Dad was calm though, Stiles figured it had something to do with his job as the Sheriff, the man couldn’t afford to panic, especially with Stiles as a son. 

“What’s going on Stiles?” The Sheriff doesn’t look happy, Stiles only sees this look when the man’s at work or about to catch Stiles out on a lie. 

“You wanted the whole story. They’re part of it.” Stiles tries to calm himself, this could all go very wrong, very quickly. “Can we have this conversation in the lounge room?” The Sheriff frowns, but gives his son a sharp nod. Stiles sighs softly, he’s more nervous now that when he spoke with Mr Argent. The Pack all sit close together in the lounge room, Erica, Boyd and Isaac sitting close together on the couch while Scott and Allison share one of the chairs. They all look tired and Stiles can detect the slight hint of fear in the air. He smiles at them as he steps into the room, coming to stand in front of the TV where he can look at all of them. His Pack, he’d told Mr Argent that, but standing here looking at them, it actually feels true. The tension eases a little when Stiles smiles. Scott smiles back and so does Allison, Stiles gets a nod from Boyd and a grin from Erica, but Isaac just sits there, eyes down cast. It makes Stiles’s heart sink, Derek was all Isaac had, Derek had been like his big brother and had taken care of him after the death of Isaac’s father. Even if Isaac now lived with his Grandmother, Derek had been the boy’s real family. Stiles crosses the room, he doesn’t need to see his Dad to know the man has sunk down into the chair opposite Scott and Allison. For the moment, Stiles focuses on Isaac. He brushes a hand through Isaac’s hair, causing the boy to look up. “It’ll be alright Isaac.” Stiles’s smiles, pushing as much confidence and kindness into his voice as possible. “You have us and I promise you, that we’re not going anywhere.” Isaac just stares up at him with wide eyes, eyes flickering over Stiles’s face like he’s looking for a lie. Stiles lets his eyes flash red, hears Erica gasp and Boyd flinch, but Isaac smiles. The next second, Isaac is wrapped around Stiles’s, hugging him close like he’s never going to let Stiles go.

“Thank you,” The sound is muffled into Stiles’s shoulder, but he still hears it. 

“Anytime Isaac,” Stiles grins when Isaac finally lets him go. “So…” Stiles looks at Scott and Allison, letting them see the red in his eyes before letting the colour and the power that goes with it fade into the back of his mind. Scott looks startled, but Allison looks relieved, giving Stiles an approving nod and a soft smile. “I spoke with Mr Argent.” He addresses the room at large and he can feel his Dad’s quiet confusion, but he needs to get this out of the way first. “He knows where I stand; you’re all just going to have to listen to me for a while.” Stiles gives a soft, half-hearted laugh. “And isn’t that a power trip. We’re going to have to work together, which means you have to trust me as well. No arguments, no running off and doing something stupid. And yea, I know that’s rich coming from me, I don’t really need the reminder. But right now we have bigger things to worry about and the first thing I think we need to cover is telling my Dad the truth.” Stiles turns to his Dad, not waiting for arguments or interruptions from the Pack, because fuck it, he’s the Alpha. 

“Stiles…” Sheriff Stilinski sounds wary as he leans forward in his chair, looking like he’s going to get up. 

“They’re Werewolves, Dad.” Stiles cuts straight to the chase, his Dad blinks at him for a second, his mouth coming open and he just gaps at Stiles for a minute. “Derek was one too, he turned Erica, Boyd and Isaac. Peter Hale turned Scott the night you caught me in the woods looking for Laura Hale’s body. We’re a Pack, Dad. Human’s and Werewolves. Allison’s family are Werewolf hunters, good ones. And I’m…” Stiles stops and licks his lips, looking over his shoulder at his friends, his Pack for reassurance. They’re scared and nervous just like he is, but knowing they’re there comforts him and gives him the strength the let the red bleed back into his eyes. “And since D-Derek died, I’m the Alpha.” Sherriff Stilinski just stares.

***

It takes a while to give his Dad the whole story from beginning to end and Stiles has to bite back tears when he tells them all about the night at the pool. He tells them about the last full moon and his talk with Mr Argent. Sherriff Stilinski takes it all pretty well, asking questions about the deaths and that leads to the Kanima.

“We’re not sure who it is, but we don’t know a lot about it. I’ve been trying to find someone to translate the Bestiary, but haven’t had much luck.” Stiles shakes his head and finally sits down on the end of the coffee table and puts his head in his hands. “We have to stop it though; I’m not going to let it hurt anyone else.” They can all hear the steal in Stiles’s voice, they know that it’s more than a statement, it’s a promise. 

“What about the Hunters? And the Police? You should…” Stiles can hear the command in his Dad’s voice as he speaks. Normally Stiles would give into that tone and accept his Dad’s rules, but a lot of things have changed in the last few weeks.

“No.” Stiles looks up, voice firm and his gaze unwavering as he looks at his Dad. “The Hunters might be well trained and the Police may have the man-power. But neither of them have the ability to deal with a threat like this, its supernatural Dad. Just like us…” Stiles stands again, waving his hand at the teenagers around him. “This is our responsibility, this is our territory and if I learnt anything from Derek it’s that Pack sticks together. I told you all this because you needed to know the truth, because you’re my family. But they’re my family to, and nothing is going to change that.” Stiles stares his Dad down, refusing to look away from the man, knowing that if he does he will be putting other people in danger. The room is silent for a long time. No one so much as moves, but Stiles can feel them all staring at him, and they all sort of hold their breaths as they wait for Sherriff Stilinski’s response.

“How can I help?” The Sherriff stands and puts both hands on Stiles shoulders. Stiles can’t hold back a smile as he pulls his Dad into a hug. It’s a start, it doesn’t solve all his problems but it means they can move onto the fifth thing on Stiles list.


	3. Lydia

The fifth thing is really two things, talk to Lydia and ask her if she knows anyone who can read archaic Latin. Because let’s face it, if anyone knows someone who can, its Lydia. Allison had taken the page of the Bestiary to the Guidance Councillor, but it wasn’t enough, they needed the whole thing translated and Lydia was their best beat. Stiles finds her outside the guidance office, she staring at the chair beside her, and she talking to herself. 

“Lydia?” She stops, her head jerking up to look at him. “What are you doing?” He asks her when she finally has her attention. 

“Nothing, other than being harassed.” Stiles rolls his eyes, it’s strange, he’d liked this girl once; now he feels nothing but protectiveness. 

“Lydia, I’m not harassing you, I just need your help.”

“Who says I was talking about you?” Lydia’s eyes flicker sideways and she gives a sarcastic little smile to the empty chair. Ok... This was a little bit weird. 

“Lydia?” Stiles asked again when she didn’t immediately look back at him; this sort of distraction wasn’t like her. Maybe her seeing the Guidance Councillor did make sense. 

“What?” Her tone was slightly sharp, her eyes darkening slightly. 

“Nothing, nothing… I was just, you know, wondering, because you’re so smart and all, if you…”

“Stiles…” Ok, she sounded frustrated in that way that only Stiles seemed to be able to bring out in people. 

“Yes, ok, do you know Latin, or you know, archaic Latin? Because I have this thing, you know…”

“Stiles,” She rolls her eyes, pushing her hair back off her shoulder. “Yes, I know archaic Latin.” Stiles blinks rapidly, because honestly, it had been a long shot. Yes, Lydia was smart, but it just seemed a little too easy.

“Ah, well, that’s awesome, do you think you could translate something for me? I mean not now, like after school maybe, or free-period. Please?” 

***

Lydia is sitting at a desk in the library, her fingers moving quickly over the keyboard of Stiles’s laptop as she types out the bestiary translation. It’s the whole page on the kanima. There might have been speculation on Lydia being the kanima but Stiles never believed it and he won’t believe it now. But there is something up with Lydia, he’s just not sure exactly what it is yet. She did just go through a traumatic event, no one could encounter Peter without being traumatised in some way, but this doesn’t seem normal. Lydia is strong, a badass, genius, she should be coping better. 

“Lydia?” She doesn’t answer him, just keeps tapping away at the keys. “Lydia?” Stiles says more forcefully because he’s the Alpha now and he can do that.

“What?” Stiles imagines that it’s supposed to sound threatening but he can hear the edge of fear and desperation in her voice. He slides closer to her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and burying his face in her hair. She tenses for a long minute, but Stiles doesn’t move away, trying to feed her his strength and reassurance.

“It’s ok, Lydia.” She slumps forward slightly and one of her hands comes up to grip Stiles’s arm. Her fingers are cold, way too cold to be normal. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

“I don’t need protection Stiles.” It’s funny to hear her say his name, Stiles wasn’t sure that she even knew it. A few weeks ago, the fact that she knew his name would have had him jumping for joy. Now though, it just leaves him kind of hollow and he smiles a little into her hair because she’s not the one he wants to hear saying his name. 

“I know.” Stiles lets her go after another minute, catching the slight turn of her head as he pulls back. He can see the tears in her eyes but its only for a second and then she’s typing again.

“What’s this for anyway? Since when have you become a fan of archaic Latin monsters?” Stiles drops down into the chair beside her, sitting sideways so that he can look at her. 

“I’m flattered that you think you know me well enough to make the assumption that this hasn’t always been a hobby of mine.” He grins at his easy avoidance of the subject. He supposes he should tell her about everything, werewolves, hunters, kanimas and such, but not yet. He needs to tell her all this when they aren’t all in immediate danger. Of course, going off their current record will be never, so maybe what he really needs is sometime a little less dangerous. 

“Number one; if this was a serious hobby you wouldn’t be asking me to translate this, you’d be able to do it yourself. Number two; you’re avoiding the subject Stilinski.” Stiles rolls his eyes, really maybe he should’ve gone to someone a little less brilliant, but then he’d probably never get anywhere.

“Is there any way I can get away with not telling you?” Stiles asks finally, feeling slightly defeated, but with Lydia Martin that’s kind of to be expected.

“No, consider it my payment.” Yea, way too clever, and more than a little manipulative.

“Can I opt for future payment?” Lydia pauses in her typing, clearly thinking it over but when she finally turns to look at Stiles she’s wearing this smile of false innocence.

“Yes, but there will be interest.” Stiles lets out a groan because of course Lydia would come up with something like that, she’s an EVIL genius.

“Fine, I’ll tell you when I can and you can have whatever interest you like.” This is totally going to come back to bite him in the ass but Stiles is pressed for time and he doesn’t need anyone else dying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it took me so long, but I haven't had time. I've been writing this on and off for ages though, so there is actually another half finished chapter... So except that soonish... Please let me know what you think and if you run into any errors... I don't edit very often... but yea... this is sad, but it makes me happy writing it! So enjoy!
> 
> EDIT: BE AFRAID!! I started working on this again


End file.
